Niu Bi (Cow Cunt) Raw Pu'er Tuo

Mini tuocha. No aroma on dry leaf, rinse, or brew. Initial brew has a soft texture, without any great flavor. There’s a Runtz like wax-sweetness. I’m only one cup deep, and I already have a strong body reaction. Elevated heart rate, and a mounting headache. Finish is a weird, citric acidity. Throat feel is rough, and somewhat painful.

I was given this tea as a gift, and decided to give it a try. Honestly, this is one of the gorssest teas that I’ve encountered over the past year and a half. The leaves we’re a mess and there was a lot of dirt. It tasted like farm, bird poop, and leather. After 6 steeps of this tea, I had to throw it out.

You can read my full review here…

http://coolcodyc.wixsite.com/theoolongdrunk/single-post/2017/02/14/See-You-Next-Tuesday-with-Cow-Cunt-Tea

Sample from Matu

Well, I felt daring today. I was pretty ill yesterday, and still feeling the effects from whatever plague consumed my insides; however, I have been craving tea all the same. So, I decided prior to this session that there are several tea samples that could be excellent, or not.

While processing which tea was to be had, I had pondered whether this tea could improve, unimproved, or make my current state of being remain the same. And if it was going to make me feel more wretched than I have been/currently am, then I might as well go for it.

Now, I’ll be honest, I had zero expectations that this tea could be any good at all. I had given it two rinses before I became daring enough to drink any of the liquor. I noted that the wet leaf had slightly smoky, sweet, “meaty,” a bit of pine, and what could be floral notes. The first sip was a big mouthful of smoked-turkey with a touch of Dial soap. Weird, right? So weird that I had to drink another cup (also weird). And let me just say this much: I did that 3-4 times (alright, you’re outta your mind, ya weirdo) before coming to the conclusion that after steep No. 5 (7 if you count the two rinses) that it becomes an extremely astringent subpar Bulang-esq tea. So, with that said, I’m glad I was given the opportunity to try it, but for the price, it’s not worth it—of course it’s worth it if you’re longing to try a comically intriguing named pu-erh then I say, “Go for it—“ unless there’s a sale or a friend is kind enough to share their stash with you….then go for it.

I bought this tea when Chayo Tea had a sale a couple weeks back. I couldn’t pass it up – even though it’s almost certainly overpriced at $3/5.5g mini-tuo. The dry leaf smells heavily of barnyard – and all its associated scents: straw, hay, manure. After a rinse, the aroma was very strong – I got tobacco, floral, herbal, and true to the tasting notes on the tea’s site, a touch of “cat piss.” After smelling that, I got a little nervous about tasting this tea.

On the first two steeps, the tuo wasn’t really opened up all the way, so I was getting lighter steeps. There was still quite a bit going on – floral, honey, and pinesap notes with a barnyard finish. Not a lot of body to the tea at this point.

In the next three steeps, the tuo opened up all the way. I started to get a touch of tobacco flavor on the front of the sip, along with the same honey and pinesap notes – not particularly sweet – and the floral flavor was mostly gone. The tea also started to pick up a bit of astringency which sat in the corners of my mouth. It had a sticky mouthfeel, helped in part by that astringency. The finish did have a weird note to it that could be described as cat piss…I don’t know what’s more disturbing: that I got that flavor from a tea or that I didn’t hate it.

The astringency died down most of the way over the next couple steeps (except when I accidentally oversteeped it once), but i was still getting a sticky, sappy tea.

Around steep 10, the flavor started to die down some. The tea first got a little bit gentler and less funky, with a bit of a creamy mouthfeel. After that, the flavor dropped off a little bit more suddenly, and was most of the way gone by steep 12. The last couple steeps were mostly flavorless, reminding me that this is a mini-tuo with leaves as chopped up as is standard for this form of pressing. There was an odd and mostly unpleasant finish to those last couple steeps – almost platicky or rubbery.

There wasn’t a whole lot of info as to this tea’s origin or age on Chayo Tea’s website. I think it’s overpriced for what it is, at $35 for 12 mini-tuos before any sales or discounts. It’s really not particularly high quality material, being pretty chopped up and all that. I will say that I do not regret buying it though – it’s interesting and a rather uniquely flavored tea as far as my experience is concerned. Absolutely not something you would want as a daily drinker, but tasty enough and something that’s kind of fun to experience. I suspect I will keep some of my remaining 11 and toss the rest randomly into any upcoming tea swaps I make. I would guess this tea is maybe a few years old. Doesn’t have the astringency of a fresher tea – maybe 2010-2012. Not sure of course as its not listed. Also – don’t google “Cow Cunt Puerh” trust me. Again, this gets a decent rating not for how good it is, but for how interesting it is. The flavor was complex and a little bit tough to figure out.